Thursday, February 4, 2010

All Hail Me!

All Hail Me

I control the weather! That’s right you heard me I hold the power to determine if it rains. If it snows. If the sun shines. If it’s cold, hot, dry, damp whatever…it is all determined by me! Climate change, my arse…it’s me.

Let me explain. A steel bar is attracted to the magnet. A rock falls to earth. Water repels oil. The magnet does not necessarily want the steel rod. Nor does the earth desire the rock. The water does not dislike the oil. Like these forces, I control the weather. Unfortunately it is not subject to my will.

I’m leaving for a ski vacation on Saturday. That is if it doesn’t snow too much for the plane to take off. How ridiculous is that? I am praying for it to NOT snow. I LOVE snow, yet it may disrupt my ski trip to Colorado where they haven’t had a sizable snowfall in quite a while. So the man who loves snow, is trying to leave for a ski trip, in a potential blizzard, to go someplace where it hasn’t snowed. I control the snow.

Mike you say, this is a silly isolated incident. I wish this were so.
• 2005-ski trip to Banff/Lake Louise Ski area in Canada. Lowest snow total in 60 years.
• Crested Butte 2003-ski trip. Bare spots in February, unheard of.
• Glacier National Park 2006-Dryest summer and consequently almost the entire park on fire.

I can go on with floods during bike races, typhoons during triathlons, hail storms on motorcycles, hottest summer on record in Death Valley. By now I hope you realize that it’s true…I do control the weather. Just most of the time it’s the opposite of what I would wish for.

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